When Kids Leave… Again

This is supposed to happen if you do it right. Your job is to make sure it happens and the transition is awesome for them and they have the tools to manage it, not without its bumps, but manage. Change and growth is good. You should feel happy and proud. Well all that rational thinking is bullshit when you feel like your heart is splitting in two, full fetal for a few weeks sound enticing ,and you are struggling daily to maintain a smile.

One of our kids and his beautiful wife are no longer going to be down the road. Like emotionally close but geographically distant. After the news of the impending move, I rarely discussed it. Details, facts and timelines ignored. I have been breaking all the rules on pity parties. The rules are PLANNED INTENTIONAL SHORT LIVED and DON’T EXPECT OTHERS TO JOIN. It has been an undercurrent of my days and not serving anyone because those swirling torrents below the surface pull us to the slimy bottom every damn time.

Denial. Big ole fat denial . Pretending things won’t change. The snake oil of snake oil, the balm and soothing elixir.

Resisting the change, denying heartache, temporarily allowing us to function throughout our hectic days but guaranteeing additional suffering when we finally let it( or it comes roaring up) to the surface. In some ways this is protective and normal. Our brains instinct and role is to suppress pain not go “into” it. But ignoring pain … well it is like all the time it has been shoved down it just grew bigger. Incrementally day after day. Causing us to not be open to life and therefore further damaging ourselves and the ones around us. Categorically ,denying our own suffering robs us of empathy for another’s.

And I know this,( intellectually and through experience) but boy did I one hundred percent forget this in massive ways for the last couple of months . After all the mindfulness lessons I have gained, integrated and taught I found myself knocked back on my ass to novice status. Like find the crayons and let’s help her draw a circle status. Mourning ,even in absence of death is a human equalizer. No matter your status in life, your insight, your “expertise” ,we share it. Shaking our confidence and platforms of wellbeing. Stunting our growth.

My Hubby and I have lived through variations of this story multiple times with our children. Life, unfolding as it commonly does, a fool would not expect it to happen again. So I began the long ago lessons from scratch yesterday. Crying, really crying, while running in the rain. Acknowledging and embracing the dark lump of sadness in my chest. Shared an overdue apology with the injured party(ies) and my BFF RDO. Forgave myself for being a child. Set a new planned intention and then followed up with action.

Consciously looking for others who need support. Offering wholehearted compassion to those I encountered. Above all when it comes to the kids, embracing THEIR joy. Remembering as a parent to celebrate their opportunities not only when it is easy but MOST importantly when it is hard.

Honoring the amazing awesome human beings who are going forth and away in the world on an exciting grand adventure. I WILL now live in that awe with the authentic enthusiasm and excitement it very ,very ,richly deserves.

If tears are necessary it will be okay as they will flow with a smile. Sadness mixing with, and being overpowered by, gratitude in having a front seat in watching them soar,and above all…..Big Love.